Three for the price of One.

There are a lot of books out there about breast cancer, and cancer treatment, and cancer surgery.

There are not so many written by people like me, who don't yet have cancer but also don't want cancer and have a very high risk of getting it.

I found a book written by a comedian, and previvor and it's so far great. So I'm going to recommend it. (click here if you need to buy one)

Hear-ye Hear-ye. Get your free genetics test, offered only at the low, low price of one fatality.

Results are in, all three children born to my mother are the lucky carrier's of the mutated PALB2 gene. Which means, so far there are four grandchildren to test as well to see how many more people we can spread this to.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad to know I have this gene. Know who else would have been glad to know they had the gene and could take preventative measures? ... I don't know, EVERYONE (specifically my mom who really would have liked to be around for her grandbabies and future grand babies).

Give money for breast cancer research they say. Find a cure they say. Why are we fixing the problem AFTER diagnosis? Why are we/THEY not PREVENTING?

Preventing seems a much better option. You know, like how we are told to wear a helmet when we ride a bike, or wear a seatbelt when we are in a moving vehicle, or like how if you step on a rusty nail you go get a Tetanus shot before you get Tetanus, or if you get bit by an animal you don't know, you go get a rabies shot to prevent getting rabies.

You know what I think it's bull shi^! Test every woman who gets breast cancer THE FIRST TIME. Avoid 95% of the next generation of people getting cancer. Sure $750 is a lot for a test, but know what else is expensive? Cancer treatments, if we can avoid millions of people getting cancer to begin with we can avoid billions in cost for Chemo, pain killers, hospital staff, hospital accommodations, radiation, etc etc list goes on. Oh but you say 8% of the population will develop breast cancer with out a genetic mutation, where does this number come from? All the untested people? Still mad.

Anyway, last night I was in the business of telling my mom's secrets apparently. This is the second time I have accidentally told my grandma information I thought she already knew, in casual conversation, only to totally blow her mind.

The first time was what her grandchild was named. Did I even know this was supposed to be confidential information? Who knows I was 11, I may have been told when I was 8 that we call Katrina, "Katrina" only not Katherine in front of Grandma, I probably was told this, but she was being a terrible two and I yelled at her. "Katherine Mari listen to me" or something similar, to be met with "what did you just call your sister" from my grandma. "Katherine" I responded, "why?" and bratty me retorted "because it's her NAME"

Yah 2.5 years in and my mom hadn't told her mom that her daughters name was Katherine cause Norma didn't like that name. Oops, sorry ma'

The second secret I apparently spilled was that my mom had breast cancer in 2010. I was unloading my grumpiness on the fact this could have all been prevented 10 years ago when mom first had cancer, when I was met with. "first had cancer? I didn't know your mother had cancer before" Oops, my bad. Someone remind me when a secret is still a secret 2 years... or 11 years later.

Anyway I was sad, and mad and tired, and probably hungry. I'd just walked upstairs and seen this beautiful drawing my 8 year old did for me the week my mom passed away.

If you are wondering, he is telling me that he loves me. And that Rest in Peace, is grandma with angel wings. The heart cause we love each other and the three stars for grandmas kids, mommy, aunty "trina" and James.

I've been cleaning up a lot (my family is away for the first time ever) I have the house to myself. So cause I'm an adult I choose to spend my free time organizing my house during my alone time. (and drinking, and painting, and walking, and bitching) So I trying to get everything off my bed so I could go to sleep, and with some jewelry to put in individual boxes/bags I'm sorting things. And I put this box down on my new book and opened it and...

This little angel. I don't remember picking it, or even seeing it before.

It just felt like a sign.

Margaret would say it's a sign.

Don't know what it's a sign of, I very much believe in evolution. These days more than ever I feel organized religion, specifically the religion my parents tried to raise me in, is an absolute crock! I'd repent my sins and all but honestly if anyone should be repenting sins it's those who still support a church that commits genocide against CHILDREN, and bullies the LGBTQ community yet still receives government funding for schooling and tax breaks. Sorry guys I'm ANGRY at the church, and the government who decides to fund things they shouldn't but not fund things they should.

But on the note of signs it does make me happy when I see the beams of light in streaks going up to the sky on some cloudy days (like when I was driving home from my mom's memorial) or this little angel.

Sorry this post was largely non-informational. But the book is great for previvors though she does have BRCA not PALB2.