The fifty 5 stages of Grief

Updated: Oct 20, 2021

healing is not linear, neither is anger.


Today I am Angry, or still Angry.

It has been a month since my mother left this world.

I am trying to learn/understand the logic of things, but really, I'm getting nowhere.


On what planet does it make sense that we allow a bunch of people into a hospital room (with a room-mate no less just behind a curtain) to look at a dead person, when we wouldn't allow any people in to be in that room with that person when they were living and needing company? In my head this doesn't make sense. I know I'd probably complain if they didn't allow us in after death as well, but that is not the point. The point is that the living need compassion when they are alive. They need comfort and they need family.


I'm glad we are coming out of whatever wave of pandemic this was, so that hopefully this doesn't happen to too many other families.


I'm also mad and confused about the percentages and rates.


"they" (cancer.org) say "About 5% to 10% of breast cancer cases are thought to be hereditary, meaning that they result directly from gene changes (mutations) passed on from a parent." Who thinks this? Where are they getting these stats if they are only testing a tiny portion of people with breast cancer. Like if my mom's first cancer had of been further along she may have had a mastectomy. Then never been tested for the gene mutations. Twenty years later I would get breast cancer, and again not be tested, twenty years later my daughter. So how in the hell can "they" say 5%-10% with any accuracy attached to that. "They" also say. "On average, a woman with a BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutation has up to a 7 in 10 chance of getting breast cancer by age 80. This risk is also affected by how many other family members have had breast cancer. (It goes up if more family members are affected.) "


So they are saying 70% chance of getting cancer by age 80.


cancer.ca says "The risk of developing breast cancer is higher if:

  • one or more first-degree relatives (such as a mother, sister or daughter) had breast cancer, especially if they were diagnosed before menopause

  • second-degree relatives (such as a grandmother, aunt or niece) from either the mother’s or the father’s side of the family had breast cancer

  • a relative had cancer in both breasts (called bilateral breast cancer) before menopause

  • 2 or more relatives had breast cancer or ovarian cancer

  • a relative had both breast cancer and ovarian cancer

  • a male relative had breast cancer

Having one first-degree relative with breast cancer approximately doubles a woman’s risk. The more first-degree relatives with breast cancer, the greater the risk. The risk with second-degree relatives is not as much as the risk with first-degree relatives.


So if "a regular" person has a 6-12%, My chance because my mom had breast cancer has now jumped to 12-24% since she did have breast cancer. but really it's at 30-60% cause she had the gene.


Why again are we not testing everyone with breast cancer?




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