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So much

I miss my mom so much. (if you're here wondering about surgery stuff, scroll to the bottom)

Last Tuesday mid tattoo (thanks Tested Mettle Tattoo Company, Side note if you choose one of my pieces I believe at least half the cost of your tattoo will go back into cancer research. We haven't worked out which foundation, but research towards genetic cancer would be my choice. Also I will post it once it’s fully coloured and healed. .)

anyway. Mid tattoo I get a call. "Hi Kristina, I know I had said that there were no OR dates for December but we just got one and I thought you might be interested in taking that date. (Gosh darn right I want that date, get all this bad stuff done in 2021)

That means this Wednesday stop eating at midnight (In other words eat at 11:30pm and chug like LOTS) Then no food OR WATER from the time I wake up... yay thats like 5 am.


Hospital for noon

Operation begins 2:15pm

Double total Mastectomy by Dr.Hodgson at Juravinski Hospital in Hamilton

when she is done her portion in come...

apparently Dr.Avram (the dr I thought was doing the surgery to begin with but then I had my consult with Dr.Coroneos, so which ever they are both rated super well on

Dr.Avram or Dr.Coroneos will then come in and do under the muscle expanders. Surgery should be three to four hours.

Because of covid protocols, no one is allowed in with me, or to stay with me in recovery, instead they want me discharged at 6:30am. Super duper convenient when all my support people

A.Have Kids, and

B.Live minimum one hour away from the hospital.

That said my circle of support is so expletive good that one friend took the day off just so she could come pick me up. Another called her crappy, abusive, narcissistic ex husband to see if he could take their children for the night so she could pick me up, another said if I was bad-ass like I was going to be, and just refused to leave that early as I had no drive that she could pick me up as soon as she got the kids on the bus, and another changed plans and offered her service, AND my baby sister said she could take an emergency leave if I was stuck and a friend that lives closer to the hospital agreed that someone could sleep over if needed. (in a PANDEMIC)

I'm scared as shit sure I am, but more than that I am so, grateful. Grateful to my besties, grateful to so many of my nurse/co-worker/friends, Margaret, my in-laws, my baby sister, my husband who dealing with his own hospital/pain triggers/PTSD will pick up all that I can't do.

Our family has such a great support, I have had offers for so much help, despite the fact that's it is the holiday season and everyone has their own lives to contend with. I am trying not to let guilt get the best of me cause I KNOW, I have been there for my friends who have needed support (honestly except to my very very best friend who I feel like always bails me out and I don't know why she even still loves me, I don't feel like I'm there enough for her, and I hope to be in a place to be there for her at some point) and those who are supporting me who I haven't been there for, it's cause there just hasn't been a way for me to help them.

Anyway. So many times I feel kind of crappy, and envious of those who surround me, but when it comes down to it, I stay in the town we are in for one main reason. These people who I slowly carefully picked out as worth it. A long time ago I realized splitting my time between a large group of acquaintances wasn't worth it compared to spending my time with QUALITY, REAL, TRUE, ride-or-die friends. I'm tearing up just thinking of the wonderful people in my life. (so know, if crap goes to hell on Thursday and I bleed out and die. If I spend time with you in the last 10 years, it was because you were WORTH the time, and you are FABULOUS.

My babies, my lovely children, they bring such joy to my life.

My son told me last night when going for his Covid vaccine, that he is looking forward to looking after me. He also told me that he will sleep in the living room with me so that I am not lonely, and my 5 year old daughter is taking her chores very seriously. I think I'm going to take a break from writing right now and go hug her to sleep, while I can cause for the rest of 2021 hugs are out of order.


It's now tomorrow. Meaning the day after the first part of this was written.

After a long snuggle sesh with my littlest, I had a good cry fest via facetime with one of my besties, had some drinks and watched some reality TV. Went to bed peaceful.

The other day (Margaret will probably be the only one to appreciate this) The other day, I needed my mom, she is the only one I really wanted to call, but alas I can not, cause stupid cancer didn't give her the heads up like it did me. I figured I may as well call my dad and let him know I'm going for surgery and Christmas plans are out. (Dad and I aren't close, per-say) It rang and rang, and clicked over to the answering machine. And then. Mom's message came on, except, that's impossible. My sister changed the message to her voice shortly after my mom's passing. But it wasn't my sister, I swear this message was the old one my mom recorded. I know I was probably just hearing what I wanted/needed or something, at any rate, I didn't call back cause I was scared it wouldn't be her again.

Im as ready as I can be I think. House is ready for Christmas and the gifts that have arrived are wrapped.


If someone is reading this, wanting info on their surgery and what pre-op will entail and how to prepare, Here is the info I got yesterday.

Same Day Overnight

- Patient Instructions

In addition to the information on your checklist for surgery, please:

• Bring all your medications in their original bottles to the hospital

the day of your surgery.

• Bring all assistive devices such as crutches, canes and walkers.

• Bring any overnight items such as your toothbrush and toothpaste

in an overnight bag.

• Arrange to be picked up from Post Anesthetic Care Unit (PACU)

by 6:30 the morning after surgery. A responsible adult must come

up to pick you up.

Hopefully your hospital doesn't kick you out 13 hours after amputation and prosthetic.


How do I prepare for surgery?

 Take a bath or shower with soap and shampoo your hair. Do not shave

the area of surgery unless instructed. Have clean clothes to wear to

the hospital.

 Remove all jewelry (including wedding bands) and body piercings.

Jewelry and piercings that cannot be removed will need to be

cut off by a jeweller before surgery.

 Wear your medical alert bracelet or necklace to the hospital.

 Remove contact lenses.

 Remove all make-up.

 Remove all nail polish and artificial nails on the foot, leg, arm or

hand that you are having surgery on. For all other types of surgery,

just remove nail polish or artificial nails from the fingers closest to

your thumbs on both hands.

 Leave your money, credit cards, jewelry and valuables at home.

 Use a pad, not a tampon, if you are on your period.

 Do not wear perfumes or colognes, or use scented lotions

or deodorants.

What do I bring to the hospital?

 Bring your health card.

 Bring your inhalers, insulin, nitro spray, eye drops.

 Bring your housecoat and non-slip footwear (no flip flops).

 Wear loose, comfortable clothing.

 Wear your glasses or hearing aid. Bring a case for your glasses,

hearing aid and denture cup.

 If you have sleep apnea, you must bring your CPAP machine

(clean and in working order). Otherwise your surgery may

be cancelled.

 If needed, bring your crutches.

When do I see my surgeon after surgery?

You may not see your surgeon until your follow-up appointment. Instructions

will be given to you about this appointment before you leave the hospital.


What happens in the Operating Room (OR)?

If you are able, you can walk to the OR patient receiving area. You may wear

your glasses, dentures and hearing aids.

A nurse and doctor from the OR will review your surgery and answer

your questions.

Once in the OR you will participate in a safety checklist that reviews all

information related to your surgery.

If you are having an epidural or a spinal anesthetic, this will be done before

starting surgery. You may be given medication through your IV to help you

relax during the procedure.

You will be asked to breathe oxygen from a mask that is held over your nose

and mouth. The anesthesiologist will give you medications through your IV to

make you sleep.


What happens in the Post Anesthetic Care Unit (PACU)

after surgery?

When you arrive in the PACU, you will have:

 an oxygen mask put on your face

 an oxygen monitor on your finger to check the oxygen level in your blood

 a heart monitor to check your heart rate

 your blood pressure, pulse and respirations checked every 5 to 15 minutes

 your incision checked frequently

How else might I feel?

It is normal to feel drowsy, thirsty and/or nauseated. This is caused by the

medications you had during your surgery. The nurse will let you know when

you can drink.

Will I be able to go to the washroom?

You may have the feeling that you need to empty your bladder. You may have

to use a bedpan or urinal.

After your surgery, you may have a catheter to drain the urine from your bladder.

This can give you the feeling that you need to urinate, which is normal.

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