Random email to maybe change your life.

That's fun right?

Cause that's how I started my morning.

-Back Story

Yesterday was a birthday party for my mom's mom, affectionately known as GG, hosted by my sister and I at my fathers home.

Remember that post where I said my mom planned all the family events? If not... she did and usually they were at her home, which is biggest. So this year my sister brought up having a party for my grandma (I probably would have just gone to visit her, but since someone wanted to co-host and since grandma loves me so much, I agreed, and really being there felt right, cause my GG is old and I do know my mom would have hosted another party for her, and my mom loved the grandkids in her house all together. and she would have liked all the kids there for my dad, and for my grandma)

Last year my mom hosted, one month before her breast cancer diagnosis. It was mid covid and we wore masks at all times except for the picture, we even ate in different rooms. It was a nice get together after seven months of almost full isolation, it was the biggest family gathering we had had, until yesterday.

This year, grandma didn't remember that we had a party for her last year.

This year we planned for morning as my brother and his kids needed to leave at 1:30pm and no one likes driving in the dark anymore.

So the party was scheduled for 11am.

I was going to drive my grandmother.

The day before my awesome, uncle David (I mean that, he's my favorite, always has been, and isn't even related by blood.) said that would be silly for me to drive that way out of my way with the whole family, when he and Neil were that direction, and one of them could take care of driving her. I said "makes sense to me, as long as someone gets her to her party on time"

...fast forward to...

12:30 after we have all been waiting an hour and a half and fed the kids cause, neither GG or Neil were answering their phones, then Neil showed up with her.

Now I understand why my mom got so frustrated with her brother. She goes to the trouble of planning and hosting year after year, and honestly, not even an apology for being so late, just after we complained about it, an excuse about him needing to take a bus or subway... etc. If you can't make it on time, don't respond that you are coming. Don't be the one to bring the guest of honor, cause honestly you are not the celebrity guest and basically, she is, (you see her weekly, she doesn't see my sister or brother or brothers kids like ever,) and then to say, when I suggest I could have brought her and had her there on time "but how would I get there?" (now, how an adult invitee get's to a party is not my problem, but there are many options if you want to get to a party, you could take a cab, earlier bus, earlier train, go the day before, find a friend... My job was to plan a date, plan a time, help with food, help with cleaning, your job was to get the star guest to the event). Anyway, feeling resentful about that. I would say next time he wont be invited but that was the problem my mom always had. If she invited grandma, grandma would always say what about Neil or Robin, yet grandma would have them all the time and not invite my mom every week, and neither of them entertain, so anytime she wanted a visit with her mom, she would need to invite 4 other people. This is the same reason I believe that my dad chose his sisters to my mom's funeral of 10 people, instead of my mom's siblings. They both have a tendency to make it about them, (my aunt not by choice as she has a mental illness) as it was, my grandma needed to get a drive straight home after the funeral, and not go to the crematorium because Robin and David were supposed to meet at her house for dinner, and I'm sure my dad knew that grandma would be catering to either of her other children instead of sitting and listening and grieving for the lost one, so he invited his sisters instead. (believe me I don't enjoy sticking up for my dad's reasons for doing things, usually I'm not in agreement with his choices, nor he with mine, however this choice I endorse)

Get to the point Kristina

The point of this is. During the party at my dad's (which as you can see my mom attended *little box right there behind GG (Great Grandma)) I learned that I have a second cousin who still goes by her maiden name and is located in just an hour away, and is a lawyer. So going by this information I looked up lawyers in that town and sent her an email saying, hey you, if your dad's name is/was Jim Hewitt please go contact me for the letter from my genetic counselor, but there is a chance that your dad, and yourself have the PALB2 gene.

I didn't want to call her, but I did want someone else to be armed with this info, I mean she's probably close to my mom's age and if it can save her dying than fantastic. Though I do really hope that if she has kids she will test, so that they can be tested, Or at least I hope she passes this info on, to any other family she may know of that could possibly have this. I've also given her this link and I hope she will read up on the gene and use the info given to better help her own health.

So anyway, mom you were a great hostess, I miss the luxury of just being able to help and I commend you for having all the parties for my whole life. Your presence was very missed, Eva even came and put her arm around me the other day just to say "mom I hope you don't get cancer"

me too hun.

me too.

and that's why we throw these boobs in medical biohazardous waste.

And we hope they don't find pre-cancerous cells while doing so.