Yesterday was a good day,
today I'm exhausted.
Drains are out.
My best-friend spent more time in her car probably than she did actually getting to visit with me. But she showered me with love... and also helped me actually shower, and brought some of my favoritest treats, and most importantly relaxation, acceptance, love and all that stuff.
-warning theres nude chest further down this post after the pic of my mom snd friends-
My hair is CLEAN yay. (before surgery braid it, I recommend 2 braids since u have to lay on your back so one would mean laying on the braid a week. Anyway I left mine in for 4 days I think, and got complimentented on my curly hair on day 5. Curly hair w no product that looked glossy and full and nice, that hadn't been cleaned in 5 days)
My dad is in the process of read my moms chart. Hospital chart. Combing through as he does. 45 nurses in 10 days. Well yup, sounds right, the night nurse that discharged me had 46 patients to 4 patients. 3 nurses a day for 10 days.the fact there is 45 different nurses is concerning, but one nurse or 100, it won’t bring her back.
I feel like this surgery would be a breeze without pets or kids. It's not even that they are asking a lot from me. It's just they take energy that I don't have when they are near me. Emmett asked if when I am all healed can I play lego with him again.
Of course I can little buddy.
They are both giving me hugs now, in that they stand with their arms out, I get down on my knees and come slowly and softly to them. It's the little things really.
Yesterday a friend sent a care package including fluffy warm slipper socks.
I didn't want to wait for they laundry to dry so I had my littlest helper Eva bring me a different clean blanket (one of Oma's) then I went to bed, on the recliner. Woke up FREEZING. Found slipper socks, saved life, got sleep. (side note to those about to go through this surgery, putting on socks is hard. Unless you like floppy socks. So it did take me approximately 8 minutes to put on. Also they have grips so I don't slip and fall)
I'm in a moody state, extremely GRATEFUL, and exhausted, miss my MOM who just was my anticipator. (Honestly Sandra/Brianne if you read this I appreciate all the ways you have anticipated my needs as well, from the first book you sent, to thinking about snow removal and folding laundry, child pick up.... OK if I start this I;ll fall asleep, there is so many many many people that are helping so much. Even though I don't have my mom, i have m’y peeps, just as she had hers.
(so anyone reading this from my grief support group, you can get through things. people love you) But I still wish my mom was here, at the same time I'm overwhelmed with how much people love me and happy for that I'm just devestated that you are not here silently sitting watching stupid shows that I secretly love that I can blame on watching cause you love them. I miss you so much mom.
OK enough of that. That's mindful right. Knowing how I'm feeling watching them pass. (Tracey in the short time I've known you, you have taught me so much about mindfulness.)
OK. Stoned. don't see any signs of infection. drain holes seem to be healing well. I wish this chair doubled as a massage chair. I wish Covid was over. I wish you were here.