I Just Wanna Call my Mom.

It's been three weeks.

It's a very strange time, and a very heavy time. And about once a day sometimes more I get hit with my regular time to pick up and call mom and tell her this - feeling. Except I can't.

On top of the death of my mother, and trying to navigate what this means for our family (she was the glue, she was the reason we all gathered, and my relationship with my father has been strained since the third grade) I also decided to

• attend the vigil for the 215 children MURDERED by the catholic church and Canadian government.

• Learned of the tragic, sudden, death of my pregnant, niece's partner,

• learned I have the bad genes

• learned if I want to not get cancer (I now have a 40%-60%+ chance of getting breast cancer, elevate risk of pancreatic also but nothing to be done for that) I must have a double mastectomy

• Learned if I do want to have breasts I will need at least two significantly large surgeries

• oh and then Friday my Air Conditioning cut out. - Did I mention without the humidex it has been over 30 degrees.

Heavy it's all been really heavy, and Hot and Humid, and also pretty horrifying.

Today I want to mention that I am quite disappointed in Princess Margaret Hospital. My mother was referred there from Stronach Regional Cancer Centre at Southlake, when Southlake had run out of options. Mom tried a trial chemotherapy, not in hospital, not even in my opinion followed closely. My dad said they always seemed 3 weeks behind where she was, by the time they got a prescription for pain, it was never strong enough.

My mom found out in November (this time) she had triple negative breast cancer (this was a different cancer than last time) Did you know there are multiple types of breast cancer. I didn't. Also if the original cancer is breast cancer and spreads to say your back, it's breast cancer in your spine...

What Is The Prognosis For Triple Negative Breast Cancer?

Triple negative breast cancer can be more aggressive (note VERY aggressive, yearly screenings wont do it, possibly even every six months, wont catch it in time) and difficult to treat. Also, the cancer is more likely to spread (which mom's had, quite a lot) and recur. (if you caught it really early and it was actually treatable the first time) The stage of breast cancer and the grade of the tumor will influence your prognosis. (her prognosis was 2-3 years, her life span following that prognosis was 6 months) Research is being done currently to create drug therapies that are specific for triple negative breast cancer. (info from https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/triple-negative-breast-cancer) So you'd think if "research is being done" maybe they'd track the research... instead of calling for a follow up appointment two weeks after death. You'd think... right? apparently no.

This is my mom, celebrating early Christmas with us (the last Christmas we got with her, before her Chemo started) November 2020, Six months before her cancer or her cancer trial treatment killed her. I will be inquiring around Princess Margaret/Southlake's policies on trials/sharing information between hospitals, as it is completely WRONG that the hospital that initiated her trial didn't bother to follow up enough to know she is dead. - maybe this is the anger part of my Grief ...maybe it's the fact no one came to fix the AC today and I've been sleeping in the living room... maybe it's the grief... to be continued.