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I am SO full

As full as full can be, expanded to the max.

And now we wait.

It's been a strange journey so far.

At first I debated between implants and going flat.

I decided that if I had any issues (multiple needed surgeries, implant popping/rupturing, Breast implant illness etc) then I would go flat first I would try implants.

I went in to see my assigned plastic surgeon once for my reconstruction consult, after meeting the breast surgeon that would perform my total double mastectomy.

I was told surgery would happen in the new year (2022) in early November. Then I was offered a date that opened up 9 days later in December. Because I took the earlier date I got a different surgeon, but not really. I actually had all three surgeons on the date of surgery.

Post surgery my care switched to the surgeon I had not met until surgery date. (no issue with that at all, both were great) I left the hospital with my real breast tissue completely removed as well as my nipples. I knew I had expanders behind my muscles, or I guess that the muscle was cut and an expander slipped in.

It hurt like hell, I cried while doing my physio, I cried about my messy house, I cried cause my mom wasn't here to help me or even to complain to. I also looked super fat, compared to how I have looked my entire life. With only 50cc per side I had a budda Belly. I took a picture to send my pregnant friend, our bellys both looked just as protruding, with her's actually sticking out at 9 months pregnant, and mine an optical illusion of huge without my bigger breasts to offset it. It was not hot. I'm glad I chose to reconstruct. Maybe I would have joined a gym if I chose flat? Maybe I would have slowly learned to love the gut? Regardless, in my own perception of myself I feel much more "sexy" with breast, wether that's from the media, or men, or victoria secret... who knows but now I feel I like my looks again.

The first couple fills were pretty rough but from 200-630cc the compression feeling wasn't too bad.

at 630cc I was rock hard for a week, then it loosened up some, and then week three my left foob started squeaking. Me being me, of course I took a video.

This last one was fine, until I tried to sleep. It got consistantly tighter over the course of the day and kept me up a lot of the night. Not handy was the fact I do have a few pain killers left, but do you think I could find them after a 2 month hiatus. Nope.

So now I'm at the size I would like to stay, and next week return to my surgeon as they need to do a 50cc fill after you are at the right size. (not sure why) then I need to sit while my body adjusts for three months. I'm pretty excited to be done with it all. I also not like having my old right escape nipple giving me two boobs and and extra bump if I happened to reach. Also excited to be able to wear any kind of shirt without dealing with convertible and strapless bras.

I say I am excited to not have to wear a bra anymore, but really the way the expanders feel it feels like I'm always wearing a bra. The upside is not worrying about the back fat going over the bra straps, or the escapee nipple or, reaching up and having the bra ride half was up my melon, and having to re-adjust all the time. So I'm getting free of that but don't have that awesome, ahhhh, of taking my bra off at the end of the day.

For almost 24 hours I've felt like there is an elephant sitting on my chest. I know it will get a bit better tomorrow, and a bit better the next day. Just trying to do my deep breaths, but heck I'm tired. My body is tired.

Mom I think you'd be pretty proud. Of me and of your little daughter (whose taller than I) It's been a trying 10 months without you, but you raised us tough, and strong and with the ability to endure.

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That's my update. The boulders come out Thursday morning. The "permanent" Implants go in Thursday morning. There is a nursing crisis in my province, and so I'm very excited to get this out of the way

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